


'Ike Aku, 'Ike Mai, Kokua Mai; Pela Iho La Kaa Nohona 'Ohana

by icoulddothisallday



Series: recognize and be recognized, help and be helped; such is family life [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: ADHD, Coming Out, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Steve McGarrett Needs a Hug, Steve McGarrett-Centric, past emotional abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-02-29 06:05:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18772765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icoulddothisallday/pseuds/icoulddothisallday
Summary: (Recognize and Be Reognized, Help and Be Helped; Such Is Family Life)8 times Danny was a better parent than the McGarretts, 1 time Steve was, and 1 time they were better together. (Steve doesn’t realize his parents were abusive until Danny shows him how wrong they were.)





	'Ike Aku, 'Ike Mai, Kokua Mai; Pela Iho La Kaa Nohona 'Ohana

**Author's Note:**

> amazing cover art and fanmix by [pterawaters](https://pterawaters.tumblr.com/)  
> additional art by me 
> 
> Many thanks to tetrodotoxinb for endless discussions about Steve's mommy issues. You're the best. 
> 
>  
> 
> [fanmix here](https://open.spotify.com/user/pterawaters/playlist/0XgSwVbRIXSO1S4kZoffEX?si=mNyfEY-6QZ2f5_WBHJq89A)

  
  


  
_art by pterwaters_  


_Age 7_

The first time Steve thinks maybe things weren’t quite right in his childhood, he’s out with Danny, chasing down a lead. It’s not that Steve didn’t have an inkling that his childhood was different from other people’s, he just also thought it was fine. Different doesn’t mean wrong, after all.

Danny’s phone rings. Danny picks it up and glances at the caller ID and frown, immediately answering the call. “Danny Williams speaking.”

In the confines of the car, Steve can just hear the tinny voice on the other end of the line. “Hello Mr. Williams. This is Ms. Palakiko from Saint Francis. There’s been an incident and we need someone to come in and talk to the principal. We were unable to reach Grace’s mother.”

“What do you mean there’s been an incident?” Danny snaps, worry immediately coloring his tone, but Steve’s heard that tone often enough from administrators to know that Grace is in trouble.

“There was a discipline issue. We need someone to come in and speak to the principal.”

“A _discipline_ issue?” Danny practically roars. “You have got to be kidding me. Fine, fine, I’ll be there in 20.” He hangs up the phone, already grumbling. “A discipline issue. _My_ Grace? I don’t think so.”

Steve kind of stares at him, puzzled. How many times had his parents showed up, already pissed, apologizing to administrators, promising it would never happen again, that they’d _talk_ to him? They’d never taken his side on it, not ever. And hadn’t it always ended in his dad’s belt?

Steve studies Danny. He doesn’t think Danny has ever or ever would take a belt to Grace. He doubts he’d even give her a smack. The thought boggles his mind. He doesn’t have a frame of reference for that.

Is this how his parents should have reacted? By taking his side?

No, no. Grace is a good kid. Steve hadn’t been a good kid. That much was for certain.

Danny grumbles the entire way to Grace’s school, working himself up into a right rage. And for once in his life, Steve sits very still and doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know what he could say. It feels like his whole worldview is sitting on a precipice, about to take a tumbling fall into the unknown.

To be fair, he feels that way around Danny a lot.

Steve pulls into the first available spot in the parking lot. He follows Danny into the school.

He feels weird. Empty. Distant.

When was the last time he was in a school? Probably on his last day of finals at Annapolis. He’d been so glad to be done with the whole institution. School had always been a nightmare for him.

Danny storms into the office. “Where’s Grace?” he demands. The secretary looks startled and barely has a chance to open her mouth before Grace is running out of a nearby office and colliding head first into Danny. He scoops her up easy as anything, hugging her tight, and Steve tries not to wonder if his parents ever held him like that.  

“Hey monkey.” His voice is soft and affectionate, despite the situation. Danny turns slightly, Grace still in his arms. “You remember Steve, right?”

She waves and nods, a little shy. Steve tries to give an authentic smile. Danny’s look tells him he’s not really succeeding.

“Is it alright if he comes into our meeting with us?”

_Our meeting?_ Steve wonders, the language confusing him, even as Grace nods.

Just then a woman clears her throat. “Mr. Williams?”

“Yeah,” Danny says, letting Grace down. But even once she’s on her own two feet again, Danny keeps an affectionate hand on her shoulder. And it _looks_ affectionate, not the tight grasp Steve’s mom used to give him, reminding him to behave himself for once.

“If you could come in? Perhaps Grace can wait out here with your friend…?”

“No,” Danny says. “We’re talking about her, aren’t we? She has a right to be there.”

What.

The woman purses her lips but nods, standing aside and gesturing them in. Steve follows quietly, the way he had always done when his parents got called to school. He might not have been able to keep himself still any other time, but when his mom’s nails were digging into his shoulder and his dad’s eyes were promising the belt, well.

Steve could keep his mouth closed then. And this is some kind of sense memory, clearly. He hasn’t felt this way in years — not since he left the Army Navy Academy.

“What happened?” Danny asks, as they all take seats. The woman, and older lady in a crisp skirt and jacket combo, looks down her nose at them. Steve resists the urge to squirm. He’s not a kid any more.

Grace rolls her eyes. Steve’s shoulders go tense.

“We were in religion class,” she starts. Danny collapses back into his chair, bringing his hand up to rub his forehead.

He chuckles and says, “Oh boy.”

The principal folds her eyebrows disapprovingly. Steve fights back an instinctual urge to apologize, to keep his eyes down and away.

“Ms. Bell said everyone who doesn’t believe in Jesus is going to hell. And I said that’s not true ‘cause there’s no such thing as hell and also you don’t believe in Jesus cause you’re Jewish but you’re a hero so even if there was a hell you wouldn’t go.” Grace sits back huffily in her seat, arm crossed and jaw set.

The principal raises her hand pointedly as if to say, what are you going to do about this?

“Listen, Mrs. Maloney,” Danny starts. Grace mutters _baloney_ under her breath and Steve winces hard. Luckily, the principal doesn’t seem to hear and Danny just gives her a mild look. Steve can’t even imagine having called one of his teachers that in front of his folks. It would not have ended well for him. “While I respect that you are trying to give my daughter a religious instruction based on the beliefs of a certain group of people, she has a right to her own opinions and thoughts. I’m not going to punish her for that.”

“She is enrolled in a Catholic education,” Mrs. Maloney says primly. “And as a student here, I expect her to take part in our religious education and, most importantly, be respectful to her teachers. This sort of backtalk will not be tolerated.”

“Having her own opinion is back talk?” Danny says incredulously.

“She is introducing doubts to the other students _and_ questioning the authority of her teachers.”

“How are kids supposed to learn if they don’t question their teachers,” Danny bites back. Steve can’t believe what’s happening — without question Danny has taken Grace’s side. He’s not ceding to the principal or even pretending to. No one had ever done that for Steve, not ever. “Not to mention that it’s important for kids to hear more than one perspective. That’s how they learn.”

“And would Grace’s mother feel the same?” Mrs. Maloney asks, voice cold.

Danny goes still. “She _would,_ ” he spits. “Don’t try and make this about my parenting. Grace is smart, of course she has questions. I don’t want to be called because my daughter has opinions ever again. If it’s such a problem I’m sure another school would be happy to have her. Now, if that’s all,” Danny says, voice dripping with disdain, “I’m sure Grace would like to get back to class. And Steve and I have to get back to work.”

Danny stands and Steve quickly follows his lead, feeling a bit like his head is in a cloud. He follows Danny out into the main office, where Danny gives Grace a big hug and tells her he’ll see her tomorrow, like normal.

Steve is still quiet as they climb back into the Camaro.

“What’s up with you? Your aneurysm face is worse than normal.”

“Nothing,” Steve says, hands tightening on the steering wheel. His voice is hoarser than he’d like, but that can’t be helped.

Danny gives him a disbelieving look, but Steve doesn’t know what else to say. Is he supposed to say _I think maybe my parents were wrong?_ Steve’s not even sure if that’s what he thinks.

‘Cause Grace is a good kid, after all. Not like Steve.

It’s not comparable, he tells himself. His parents did their best by him, he tells himself.

He’s not sure he believes it.

*

_Age 8_

Steve hears the skidding of feet, the shattering of glass, and the whispered _oops_ and goes perfectly and utterly still. A very old instinct is telling him that moving is only going to get him in more trouble.

It’s a bad instinct and he makes himself move, because it wasn’t him who broke something for once, it was Grace, and Steve doesn’t care how much Danny means to him, he’s not going to let Grace get punished.

They’re three months into this thing between them and Grace has known for all of two weeks and it’s the very first night that Steve is spending with the both of them, so of course something like this had to happen. Isn’t that how Steve’s life always goes? Unless he’s on an op or hunting down a criminal, he makes a right mess of things. Always has.

“Monkey?” Danny calls, coming around the corner. Something about his concerned tone makes Steve pause, an old pattern suddenly disrupted. “You okay?”

“Yeah!” Grace calls. She’s standing very still in the middle of the kitchen, surrounded by the remains of a glass bowl. “Sorry, Danno.”

Steve makes himself move closer. He prepares himself to say, _it was an accident._ He prepares to say, _go easy on her._ How many times had he wished that someone had said that for him? Mary or Joe or one of his friends, anyone who would have been there when Steve inevitably broke something: a vase or a cup or a window or a lamp.

He’d broken so much shit, it didn’t matter how many times his parents tried to teach him. He just broke things. It wasn’t until ANA that he’d managed to teach himself better.

Danny beats him to it. “Don’t worry about it monkey, it happens. Hold real still, let me get my shoes.”

A cresting wave of confusion fills him as he watches Danny stuff his feet into sneakers and carefully trod across the kitchen floor. He plucks Grace up and delivers her to the living room. “Go put some shoes on and then come help me clean up, okay?”

Well maybe after that, Steve thinks wildly, trying to make sense of what’s happening. Maybe punishment comes after cleaning up. That would make sense, wouldn’t it.

But even after Grace comes back wearing shoes and helps Danny sweep up the kitchen, nothing happens. Danny reaches out to ruffle her hair and Steve flinches. He sees Danny clock it, but he can’t stop the motion.

He remembers sitting in the principal’s office with Grace and Danny. He remembers Danny having her back. He remembers thinking that Danny would never, not in a million years, lay a hand on Grace.

He remembers being surprised by that realization.

Once Grace has disappeared back to her room, a new bowl of chips in hand, Danny comes over. Steve sees him being careful already and he resents it. He feels his jaw clenching and his shoulders squaring and fuck, that’s part of the pattern too.

Goddamnit, he’s not a kid anymore. He hasn’t been a kid for a long time.

“Babe?” Danny says and his voice is too gentle and Steve doesn’t know how to react to this. No one has ever been gentle with him. “You okay?”

“Yes, fine,” Steve bites out and he knows it’s all wrong and he can see Danny’s worry growing and he doesn’t have the words to explain what the fuck is happening in his head right now. He needs to get out, he needs to run, he needs to _move,_ and he fucking can’t.

“Seemed like you thought something bad was going to happen,” Danny says bluntly, eyes too shrewd.

“No,” Steve denies. “Just startled me.”

Danny hums disbelievingly under his breath, but doesn’t say anything else. He just keeps looking at Steve, expression soft and open, eyes kind. Danny makes Steve doubt all the assumptions he has about people. It’s unsettling.

Danny makes him think it’s okay to be with a man, openly. Danny makes him think maybe his parents were wrong. Danny makes Steve think it’s okay to trust sometimes.

“That’s just,” Steve says, words short and sharp. “Not what would’ve happened. When I was a kid. If something broke.”

Danny doesn’t look away. He nods slowly. He doesn’t ask any more questions. He claps Steve on the shoulder, moving slow so Steve knows to expect it. “C’mon, babe. Let’s see if we can catch the last of the game.”

Steve nods, mouth suddenly too dry for words. He follows Danny to the couch. He even lets himself lean into him, just a little.

*

_Age 9_

“Danno?”

Steve wakes immediately, though it takes him a moment to place Grace’s soft voice. They’d had a hell of a day, and at the end of it Grace had refused to leave Danny and Steve had refused to leave Danny, so they’d all ended up back at Danny’s apartment. Peterson’s actions had left Grace locked in that storage locker for hours, and she’d been a wreck when they finally got her out. Even Rachel had been understanding about Grace’s need to be close to Danny after all that had happened.

It had taken a couple hours for her to fall asleep that night, but she’d finally drifted off, held tightly in Danny’s arms. When Steve had finally coaxed Danny back to their bed, Danny had curled himself into Steve’s body and cried himself out. Steve had held him through it, feeling helpless beyond belief.

Grace’s voice quivers slightly as she calls, “Daddy?”

Alerted to her upset, Steve turns on the light and gives Danny’s good shoulder a shake.

“Huh?” Danny mumbles, swiping at his face.

“Daddy?” comes Grace’s voice, a little louder, and clearly tearful now. Danny sits up immediately, gone from sleep to awake faster than Steve thinks he’s ever seen Danny do. Danny usually likes to lie in bed for a while before he wakes all the way. Steve had that tendency trained out of him long ago, even before the military. His parents hadn’t really supported lazy mornings.

Danny slips out from under the covers and trots over to the door, which he opens quickly.

“Daddy!” Grace sobs. “I’m sorry, I had a nightmare. I didn’t mean to.”

Oh. Steve freezes. A memory trembles on the edges of his brain.

_“Again?” comes his mother’s voice, sharp and impatient. “You’re too old for this. You need to learn that there are consequences for your actions!”_

Steve had never used the washer before. He’d been five years old. His fists clench in the blankets, preparing.

“Oh, monkey,” Danny says softly. Steve sits up straighter, brow crinkling. Danny’s voice is so kind, not upset at all. “It’s alright, baby. Just an accident.” Danny hauls Gracie into his arms, regardless of the mess and a shock runs through Steve’s system. His brain goes perfectly still, not quite able to process what’s happening. “C’mon, we’ll get the shower running and I’ll get the bed all cleaned up, okay?”

Well, Steve thinks, maybe because it’s just a one off — and after an incredibly traumatic event too. If it had been a chronic issue, maybe then Danny would have Grace clean up on her own. His parents had always insisted he do it, but that made sense didn’t it? It didn’t happen every night, but of course he should learn to deal with it on his own when it did. That’s how kids learned responsibility.

Wasn’t it?

“Don’t tell Uncle Steve,” he hears Grace murmur.

“Of course not, monkey, but you know he wouldn’t be upset, right? No one’s going to be mad.”

“I’m too old,” Grace argues.

“Oh, Gracie,” Danny sighs. They start to head down the hall, but it’s not a big apartment and Steve can hear just fine when Danny says, “A really scary thing happened today, and it’s pretty normal for this to happen after that. But even if it hadn’t, no one would be mad. Even if it happened every single night. It doesn’t matter how old you are.”

Grace mumbles something that Steve can’t make out, but blood is rushing in his ears.

Slowly he gets up. He straightens the covers on automatic and he carefully proceeds to the door. He waits ‘til he hears the bathroom door close and then heads out into the hallway. He wants to give Grace the illusion of privacy.

_“He can’t spend the night,” Doris had said, in front of Steve’s friend and his mom. “He still wets the bed.”_

_By the next day everyone in school knew that Steve still wet the bed in second grade. The teasing had lasted years._

Inside Grace’s room, Steve strips the bed with motions that feel too familiar. How many times had he done this before it finally stopped? Hundreds, probably.

He’s piling the linens into the sheet, ready to haul them down to the wash when he hears Danny approaching. Steve turns to look at him. He’s wearing a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, his hair sleep mussed and his eyes tired.

“Hey,” Danny says softly, leaning against the doorframe. “Thanks for doing that.”

“No problem.” Too late Steve realizes that his voice is off, his tone all wrong. Danny’s eyebrows draw down, going contemplative.

“Somethin’ the matter, babe?”

Steve shakes his head, swallowing through a suddenly tight throat. Danny gives him an unimpressed and disbelieving look.

“You’re a really good parent,” Steve finally manages, the words stiff. “That’s all.”

Danny studies him for a minute longer and then his eyes go wide. “Oh,” he says softly. Steve can see the slowly building anger on Danny’s face. He doesn’t want to deal with it, he doesn’t know what to do in the face of the realization that this was just one way his childhood wasn’t quite right.

“God, some days I could strangle your parents.”

Steve’s pretty sure he wasn’t meant to hear that, but he responds anyway. “They were just trying to teach me to be responsible.” The words sound hollow even to his own ears.

Danny steps in, lays a hand on the side of Steve’s neck. “If they shamed you, they were doing it wrong.”

Steve suddenly can’t breathe through the lump in his throat. He swallows convulsively. “I’m just gonna get these,” he says, gesturing at the sheets. He doesn’t meet Danny’s eyes.

He hears Danny sigh as he leaves the room. He can’t talk about this though. He could never talk about this. When it had finally, finally stopped, he’d sworn no one needed to know. Thinking that Danny knew now was horrifying. He hadn’t meant for Danny to realize. But Danny always saw too much, he always had.

Later, after the sheets are in the wash and Grace has been tucked back into bed, Danny climbs under the sheets of their bed. He scooches up behind Steve, wearing clean pajamas and smelling of laundry detergent and Grace’s shampoo.

Danny wraps an arm around him. Steve doesn’t usually like to be the little spoon, but he doesn’t mind so much with Danny.

“Steve,” Danny murmurs, tone serious and cautious. Steve stiffens, ready to pull away. He can’t talk about this, not even with Danny. It’s awful enough that Danny can guess at this shame. “Did your parents punish you for wetting the bed when you were a kid?”

Steve’s body is wound so tight he doesn’t think he could speak even if he wanted to.

“It’s not okay, if they did,” Danny continues. His warm fingers slip under Steve’s t-shirt, stroking his stomach. Steve shivers. “It wasn’t your fault. It’s not any kid’s fault.”

Danny waits a moment, but Steve’s not sure what he’s supposed to say here.

“They shouldn’t have punished you,” Danny repeats, voice grim.

“They punished me for a lot of things,” Steve finds himself saying.

Danny pulls him closer, presses a kiss to the back of his neck. “I’m sorry, babe.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

Danny’s voice is a whisper and Steve can feel his lips moving with the words, “Yes, there is.”

Steve closes his eyes. He feels Danny’s breath and the hot touch of his lips. He’s safe. Danny is safe. Grace is safe.

He sleeps.

  
_art by icoulddothisallday_

*

_Age 11_

Steve has known that Grace’s report card is supposed to come home today since last week. And tension has been building steadily in him since then. He tries to pretend the two things aren’t related, but he knows it’s a lie.

For 13 years of his life, report card season had been the worst time of the year for him. He dreaded bringing home the horrible yellow envelope. He hated handing it over to his parents. He hated watching their expressions as they read it.

And what always followed wasn’t worth remembering.

Danny picks Grace up and brings her back to Steve’s place for the night. While Steve and Danny don’t technically live together, they both readily admit that Steve’s house is more comfortable and Danny ends up there most nights. Steve hasn’t said anything to Danny about moving in yet, even though he’d like to.

Maybe at the end of Danny’s lease. If Danny seems like he might want that. Maybe not, though. Separate space is good.

Steve shakes his head, clearing it. He hears Danny’s car door close and the sound of Danny and Grace’s voices. They sound normal enough, but Steve feels his shoulders start to hunch anyway. Restless energy surges under his skin and Steve scrubs at the pot he’s been cleaning with extra vigor.

He’s already washed the dishes, mowed the lawn, changed all the sheets and has been contemplating repainting the shed. He really wishes they had a case today.

But they don’t.

And that means that he’s in the kitchen when Danny and Grace come in. Grace runs over to give him a hug like normal and he leans down to kiss her forehead, leaving his soapy hands in the sink. He thinks she looks a little nervous.

Danny comes over too, giving him a friendly kiss that makes Steve’s worries fade into the background, but just for a second.

Then Danny says, “Alright, monkey, let’s see.”

Steve _feels_ his whole body go taut against his will and he knows by the way Danny’s hand twitches on his lower back that Danny notices too. Danny shoots him one of those looks that says _we’re gonna talk about this, Steve._ Steve hates those looks.

Grace frowns, glancing away glumly. Steve swears his heart starts going double time in his chest. She scrapes her feet along the floor to go fetch her backpack. Steve glances at Danny. His expression has gone serious, though he still seems calm.

Danny’s always calm with Grace, Steve tries to remind himself. There’s nothing to be stressed about. Even if Grace didn’t do that well, it’s not going to be like it was for him.

_“This is unacceptable, Steve.” His mom never yelled. It might have been easier if she did. The glaring red F stared up at him from the table. His eyes burned. He told himself he was tired. He thought he was past reacting this way to his mom.  “ How can you expect to amount to anything if you can’t even pass freshman English? Any one could pass this class. Clearly you’ve been lazy. There will be no television and no after school activities until you get this grade up, and you can expect your dad to talk to you as well.”_

_She didn’t mean talk. His mom never lifted the belt, but his dad always did if she said to._

_“I can’t believe any son of mine could fail such a simple class.”_

_Doris’ voice bit almost as hard as his dad’s belt._

Steve hadn’t been lazy was the thing. He’d been staying up til three every night, desperately trying to understand what he was reading, but every time he read he seemed to forget everything he’d just read. That had always been a problem for him, all the way through Annapolis.

He isn’t stupid. There are just always better things to be doing.

Grace pulls out the dreaded yellow envelope and carries it over to Danny. Danny reaches out and cups her cheek. “Monkey, you know it doesn’t matter what these say, right? I still love you, I still think you’re great.”

“I know, Danno,” she says softly, voice sure.

“Good girl,” Danny praises and flicks open the envelope closure, pulling out the report card. Steve glances over Danny’s shoulder. The D jumps out at him, blinding him to everything else.

Danny’s lips turn down a little, but then he turns them into a fond smile. “Doin’ awesome in Math, just like always huh?” he says. Steve twitches a little, then feels his shoulders start to relax.

Grace grins. “Pre-Algebra is really fun,” she says happily. Which certainly holds, she always does her math homework first.

“That’s awesome, Grace. I’m really proud of you.”

Steve doesn’t think his parents ever said that to him. Certainly not about school. Grace has got As, of course, even with that one D. Steve never got As in anything but Gym, and even that wasn’t always. The gym teachers always seemed to think he wasn’t a very good listener.

“What happened here?” Danny asks, softer.

Grace turns her gaze down to the floor, scuffing her shiny school shoes against the linoleum. She shrugs, not looking at either of them. Steve grabs the edge of the sink, grips it tight enough that his fingertips hurt a little bit.

He tries to talk himself down. He knows better, for fuck’s sake. Everyone is safe. Danny isn’t even going to get angry.

“English is really hard,” Grace says softly.

“Why didn’t you ask for more help? You know your mom and I are always happy to help you with your homework. And if we’re not there, Uncle Steve and Step Stan can help too.”

Grace shrugs.

“Hey,” Danny says gently. “You need to tell us before it gets this bad, alright? Otherwise we can’t help you turn it around. So I’ll talk to your mom and we’ll make sure someone can help you with your homework. And I’ll call your teacher and see what else we can do to help you do better, okay?”

“Okay, Danno,” Grace murmurs.

Danny’s expression goes just a little bit stern. And as if knowing how Steve will react to that, Danny’s hand is suddenly on his back again, stroking up and down, like Steve is the one who needs comfort in all of this.

“And until this grade goes up, no TV, phone, or computer until after your homework is done. And I’m gonna tell your mom and Step Stan too, so no cheating.”

Grace sighs gustily, but nods.

“Alright, monkey. Go change out of your uniform and come on down, we’ll find something for a snack.”

She smiles easily enough and chirps, “Kay, Danno,” and skips out of the room as if the whole thing hadn’t happened.

Danny turns towards Steve. Suddenly, Steve realizes he is trembling. Not enough that anyone could notice, but Danny’s still got a hand on his back.

“C’mere,” Danny whispers, tugging Steve close. Steve resists purely on instinct for a second and then folds into Danny. “I’m sorry your parents were shit, babe.”

Steve shrugs, an awkward motion, folded over as he is to curl close around Danny. They never talk about this in explicit terms. Danny says what he’s going to say, but otherwise lets Steve pretend everything in his childhood was pretty normal.

For a long time he thought it was normal. It’s only since meeting Danny that Steve’s started to think _maybe not._

“I was a shitty student,” Steve says. He doesn’t say _I was a shitty kid._

“That somehow doesn’t surprise me,” Danny says dryly, which stings a little, until he adds, “But lots of people are shitty students. Doesn’t mean they aren’t smart. Doesn’t mean anything about them at all, really, except that they don’t do well in the confines of school.” Danny starts rubbing his back again, hand ducking under his t-shirt.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter now,” Danny says. “You’re here with us.”

Steve nods his head into Danny’s neck. He doesn’t trust himself to say anything else, so he grips Danny a little tighter.

*

_Age 12_

 

Steve hates picking Grace up from tennis.

It’s at the country club for one, and he’s pretty sure he’s not imagining the way people look down their noses at his cargo pants and t-shirts. It’s better when he’s coming from work and has his gun and badge on him, but honestly he tries not to do that too much. Grace doesn’t need to be reminded of their work and Steve doesn’t like to have his gun unsecured around either her or Charlie.

But the whole thing also reminds him of the years of forced tennis lessons that Doris made him go through, telling him it would teach him _discipline_ and help him move in the _right circles_ , which he never fucking cared about.

God, he’d hated every part about it, from the fussy clothes she’d made him wear to the snobby coach who always talked to him like he was stupid. Generally, sports were the one area where he didn’t feel like a total dumbass and to have that tainted, even a little bit, stung more than the actual attitude. He just wanted to be good at one goddamn thing.

And everytime he drives through those stupid country club gates all those feelings come rushing back. He fucking hates it.

But he loves the way Grace lights up when she spots him waiting on the other side of the fence and comes rushing over, bubbling over about something she learned at school or the antics her friends have been getting up to.

Only today, there’s none of that. She runs over like usual, but rushes through storing her gear without a word.

She’s silent as she climbs into the truck and slams the door. Steve shifts in his own seat, not sure what to do. He’s never been alone with her when she’s upset like this — he knows that Danny would tell her off for slamming the door, but he doesn’t feel comfortable doing that.

“Grace? Is everything alright?” he manages to ask, and he hates how tentative his voice sounds. He knows that’s not how it should sound — it’s not how Danny would sound.

She pulls her feet up onto the seat, curling her knees into her chest. “I just wanna talk to Danno,” she murmurs. “No offense, Uncle Steve, but —”

“No offence taken, kiddo,” he says honestly. He knows she cares about him and trusts him, but he’s no Danno in her life and he’s alright with that.

He thinks, idly, as he drives them home that he doesn’t think there’s ever been a time in his life when he wanted to talk to his parents about something. He never wanted or trusted their advice — there’d always been other people he preferred to turn too.

Luckily, Danny’s home when they get there. He looks up from a steaming pot of pasta with a big grin as they walk in. His smile immediately falls off his face when he sees Grace.

“Monkey, what’s a matter?”

Grace tosses her backpack and tennis bag onto the floor and runs over. Danny takes her into his arms, shooting Steve a concerned look over her head. Steve shrugs and shakes his head to indicate that he doesn’t know what’s got her so out of sorts.

“I _hate_ it there, and I _hate_ tennis and I don’t wanna do it anymore, please don’t make me do it anymore.”

Danny frowns protectively, stroking her hair and then pulling back so he can see her face.

“Why do you hate it?”

“They’re _mean,_ ” Grace says. “The girls call me names and gossip about me and I tried to tell the coach but she didn’t do _anything._ ”

“Aw, Grace. I’m sorry. Of course if the kids are mean you don’t need to keep going. I’ll talk to your mom about it, okay?”

Steve abruptly remembers telling his dad he wanted to quit tennis — that the coach criticized him and he didn’t get along with the other kids. He’d been just about Grace’s age. John had given him a long look over a case file he’d brought home and then snorted. _Good luck telling your mom._

It’s far from the first time Steve’s been struck by how _kind_ Danny is, how much he authentically cares about Grace’s happiness — not just her wellbeing or how well she performs — but her _happiness._ But it is the first time he wonders — what if just one of them had cared? What if just one of them had his back?

What would be different?

He looks at Grace, curled into Danny but already perking up, and wonders what it might have been like to be _happy_ as a kid.

*

_Age 13_

Danny’s cell rings just as they’re about to reach the house of their next lead. Steve glances over out of the corner of his eye as Danny checks the number and picks up.

“Hey, monkey. What’s up?”

Steve glances at the clock. It’s about the time Grace is supposed to be dropped off at Steve and Danny’s place after cheer practice. She might be calling to see if it’s alright to finish the leftover Chinese from the other night — she’s always starving after practice.

“Hi Danno.” Steve can hear that her voice is a little dejected and annoyed, which makes him sit up a little straighter and pay attention. He can see Danny doing the same. “I think I lost my keys. I know I had them this morning, but they’re not in my bag…”

Every muscle along Steve’s spine goes rigid.

He’d had to call his dad in the middle of a case, a punishable offence as it was, but better than calling Doris on the night of parent teacher conferences. He’d known what was coming before the call even connected. It was hardly the first time he’d lost his keys, just the only time he’d had to call somebody about it.

Danny’s face flashes with mild annoyance, making Steve’s body go even tighter. He wishes he could fucking stop this pattern. He knows, by now, that nothing bad is going to happen to Grace. Steve’s starting to wonder if there’s anything in the world that would really make Danny mad at her.

But that knowledge doesn’t seem to matter. These things happen and his body remembers in a way his mind can’t seem to ignore.

“Alright, Grace.” Danny’s eyes dart to the time on the dash and then down the street towards their lead. “Let me call Uncle Chin to come take over here and Steve and I will be there to let you in as soon as we can, okay?”

Danny and Steve have argued about leaving an extra key hidden somewhere. Steve’s vehemently opposed. There’s nowhere to hide something that a determined intruder couldn’t find it.

“Okay, Danno. Hurry! I’m starving.”

Danny rolls his eyes and says a quick goodbye.

“You alright to go let her in?” Danny asks, even as he starts to dial up Chin. Steve nods shortly. Danny’s eyes are knowing and kind, but he doesn’t say anything yet. Steve knows he won’t escape it. Danny never makes him talk about it at length, never presses for details, but he always insists that Steve admit there’s a problem. Steve wishes he could be mad about it.

Steve jerks the wheel, turning to take them back towards home.

When Danny hangs up with Chin, he places a warm hand on Steve’s tense thigh. He squeezes gently.

“Tell me about it, babe?” he asks mildly.

Steve clenches his fist around the wheel, not sure if he can. He’s never voiced exactly what happened when he got in trouble as a kid. He knows now, at least on an intellectual level, that it wasn’t right. That if he and Danny stumbled across a kid being treated like that, they’d take them out of their home. But it had been a different time, and his Dad a military man.

“I lost ‘em a couple times.” Steve says, trying to keep his voice flat and unemotional. “But I wasn’t allowed to call my dad during a case. But no one was going to be home until late and…” Steve trails off. “Had to pay to change the locks out of my allowance every time.”

Some part of him wants to be able to say more, wants to explain his dad’s shed and the brutal belt. He wants to trust Danny with it, but he just can’t make himself, even after all this time.

Danny squeezes his leg a little tighter. His voice is tight as he asks, “Did they punish you other ways too?”

For a moment, Steve can’t even swallow his throat is so tight. But eventually he manages that and a stiff nod. Danny’s face goes darkly furious, but his hand stays gentle on Steve’s leg. Somehow that’s enough to make Steve’s eyes burn. He’s not going to cry, he hasn’t cried in years — and he doesn’t think he’s cried about this shit since he was a kid.

But that’s not what has the tears threatening, not really.

It’s just…

How did he get so lucky, to get a man like Danny, who — even when he’s furious — is so damn gentle. Steve didn’t know men like that existed.

Steve clears his throat. “Let’s go let Gracie in,” he suggests roughly.

Danny nods, gesture sharp and eyes angry and hand still so, so gentle.  

They don’t say any more about it.

*

_Age 13_

 

Steve glances at Danny out of the corner of his eye. He’s never seen Danny mad like this, his face pulled into a tight, anxious frown. It’s been long enough that Steve knows he doesn’t need to protect Grace from Danny. She’s going to be safe, no matter how angry Danny is.

It doesn’t stop anxiety from twisting his guts into knots, though. Steve had lied to his parents about parties a couple times. He knew they’d never let him go — Doris disapproved of that sort of thing, said Steve needed to be more focused on his schoolwork.

He’d only been caught once. The punishment was enough to keep him from ever doing it again. Just the stress of trying to hide the evidence from his teammates was enough to make him think twice about ever wanting to go to a party again.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Danny bites out. “I’m not gonna hit her.”

“I know you aren’t,” Steve says immediately, appalled that Danny would even suspect that Steve was thinking that.

“I can be mad without being a shitty dad.” Danny’s voice is low and angry.

“I know,” Steve says, his own voice rising. “I fucking know Danny, okay? I just —” Steve won’t try to explain. Not now, not when Danny’s in this mood. It won’t do any good. Plus, he knows Danny understands, more than anyone ever has. Steve rubs his hands over his face, looks out the window. Danny had insisted on driving and Steve hadn’t been in the move to argue with him.

He hears Danny sigh. “I’m sorry, babe,” he says a minute later. “I’m — I’m pissed that she lied to us and I know what kind of shit happens at parties like this and if she ever, ever got hurt I couldn’t live with myself, I —”

“I know.”

“And I’m furious. I’m not gonna lie about that. I am well and truly furious with her and she is going to be grounded for the rest of her goddamn life and she is never going out on Halloween ever again. But I love her and I love you and that’s why I’m so angry, okay?”

“Okay,” Steve says with a nod, not sure what else he’s supposed to say or even really why Danny’s saying this.

The rest of the ride is stiff and uncomfortable. Neither of them say a word.

*

Pulling up outside the house sends a surge of panicked anger through Steve — the kids are easily four or five years older than Grace. There is alcohol _everywhere_. He sees at least three couples in various state of undress. Grace is thirteen years old. She really has no place being at a party like this.

Steve trails behind Danny as they work their way through the crowd. They find her by a window, drinking from a red solo cup and talking to a girl in a similarly revealing costume. Steve takes a minute to quietly thank the universe she’s not with a boy, because Danny would _lose his shit._

As it is, Steve struggles to stay calm and out of the way as Danny puts a hand on her. He _knows_ it’s not aggressive. He _knows_ it’s not the same as when Doris gripped his arm tight enough to leave bruises.

But it’s hard to remember as Danny steers Grace through the crowds and into the back seat of the Camaro. Steve gives him a look and takes the wheel, not trusting Danny’s ability to drive calmly right now. Danny concedes with a minor grimace.

As Steve listens to Danny’s lecture, he can feel his brain start to shut down, piece by piece. It gets too quiet and then all he can hear is Doris yelling and the whistle of his Dad’s belt through the air and —

“Uncle Steve?” Grace says quietly. Steve startles and glances in the rearview mirror at her. She’s got tears running down her face, smudging her makeup. “I’m really sorry I interrupted the case and made you come get me and everything. And I’m sorry for lying to you and Danno.”

“It’s alright, Grace.” Steve’s voice comes out a hoarse rasp that doesn’t sound convincing at all. “Just don’t do it again. We just want you to be safe, okay?”

“Okay,” she murmurs, nodding. She bites her lip, staring at him. “Uncle Steve, are you alright?”

Steve opens his mouth to tell her that he’s fine when Danny’s hand lands on his thigh, squeezing reassuringly.  Danny has never tried to get Steve to tell anyone about his childhood, has only asked him to share in rare occasions. But Grace has been asking more questions, recently, about Steve’s parents. Ever since Danny moved in, really, and maybe with Charlie becoming a bigger part of their lives…

Steve’s not really sure why, but he knows that he’s struggled with what to tell her.

“I was just remembering,” he says softly, “a time I lied about a party when I was a little older than you.”

Grace nods seriously, just barely visible in the rearview mirror.

“My parents were pretty mad,” he adds carefully. He glances over at Danny, who nods encouragingly. “And it wasn’t like when Danno gets mad. They could be —” he stops, not sure what to say.

Grace leans forward and rests her forehead on Steve’s shoulder.

“You’re very lucky to have your Danno,” Steve says instead.

Grace nods her head into him. “And you. I’m lucky to have you too.”

Steve’s eyes burn. He blames it on the dark and the long drive, focuses on the dual feeling of Danny’s hand on his leg and Grace leaning into his shoulder and breathes a long, slow breath. This is his family, right here.

*

_Age 14_

“Danno? Steve?”

Grace’s voice is quieter than normal, and a little tentative, which immediately has Steve looking up from his beer. He and Danny are out on the lanai, unwinding after a long, difficult case. Danny’s lost in some new novel and Steve’s been contemplating an evening swim.

“Hey, monkey,” Danny says with a smile. He pats the seat next to him invitingly. For a long time there’d only ever been two seats out there, but with Grace over a few times a week, there’d been a need for more.

She perches at the edge of the chair, visibly nervous.

“What’s up, Gracie?” Steve asks, trying to keep his voice that particular shade of Danny Williams gentle. Danny shoots him a smile, fond and soft, the one Steve only gets to see sometimes, mostly when he’s being kind to Grace.

“I want to tell you something,” she starts. Her hands start fidgeting, just like her dad’s. “And I know you won’t be mad or anything, but, um, it’s still, kind of hard to say, and I don’t really know…”

Steve’s heart rate speeds up, but he manages to keep his muscles from tensing noticeably.

“Hey,” Danny says, with that easy kindness of his. He grabs her hand. “Whatever it is, we’re with you, okay? You could be smuggling black market prada in from Asia and we’d figure it out. But you better not be, young lady.” Danny’s grin is easy and joking and Grace smiles, rolling her eyes a little.

“No, it’s. I’m. I.” Steve sits up and leans in, trying to be present in the only way he knows how. Danny’s shoulder presses against his, warm against the cool ocean breeze.

“I think I might be gay.” The words come out of her in a rush. She doesn’t meet their eyes. A memory threatens at the edge of Steve’s vision and he fights it for all he’s worth. This isn’t about him. This is about Grace.

“Thank you for telling us,” Danny says, voice not even a little bit surprised or off sounding. “We love you.”

Grace nods. She sniffles. Abruptly, she launches herself out of her chair and into Danny’s arms. Danny scoops her up like she’s no more than seven years old, way back when Steve had first met her.

“We’ll always love you,” Danny continues, pressing a kiss to her hair. “But if you think we won’t threaten a potential girlfriend just as much as a potential boyfriend, you don’t know us at all.”

Grace lets out a watery chuckle. Danny meets Steve’s eyes over her head, eyes wet and threatening tears. “I’m happy for you, monkey. I’m happy you’re figuring yourself out and I’m happy you felt like you could share it with us.”

Steve nods, numbly. He’s fighting his own memories too hard to find the right words to say, how to tell Grace that he loves her like she’s his own, that he’s so proud of her, that he’s glad she’s safe the way so many people aren’t. The way he wasn’t for so long.

“You’re bi,” Grace mumbles. “It’s not like it is for other people. I knew you’d accept me.”

“It’s still scary. The world tells you so much shit, sometimes it doesn’t matter if you know someone will love you anyway.”

“Yeah,” she says and Danny and Steve share a pained look, holding the terrible truth that their daughter has to know that kind of pain. They’d save her from it if they could, but they would never change her. Not ever.

Steve leans closer, puts a hand on her back and rubs soothingly. She turns her head so they can look at each other. “I’m so proud of you, Gracie.” His voice is rougher than he’d like. He hopes she knows it’s not about her, that the battle in his voice has nothing to do with loving her. “You’re so strong and have so much love to give. Thank you for trusting me with this.”

She reaches up to him, and Steve gladly takes her into his arms.

  
_art by icoulddothisallday_

“I haven’t told mom yet,” she admits as Steve pulls back. “This felt easier.”

Pleasure suffuses Steve, momentarily taking the edge off his memories. He knows it’s because they’re out and bi and together, but still the trust means the world to him. There was a time that he was the last person someone should trust with this kind of knowledge.

“That’s alright. You don’t have to come out all in one go,” Danny says. “You can tell her when you’re ready. Steve and I won’t say anything unless you want us too.”

“Thanks, Danno. I...not yet, I don’t think. No too long. Just...not yet.”

“Of course, monkey. But I do want you to know that your mother will accept you and she will love you no matter what. She knew from the beginning that I’m bi, never batted an eyelash, okay? It won’t matter to her.”

“It’s different when it’s your kid,” Grace says softly, and unfortunately she’s not wrong.

“Yes,” Danny admits. “But I’m confident about this, okay? But I’m not rushing you. Whenever you’re ready.”

“Thanks Danno,” she says, and rubs at her face. “Um, I told my friend Lucy I’d call her when I did it. I’m going to go do that.”

“Okay,” Danny says, letting her up. He catches her hand before she goes and playfully asks, “Just a friend?”

Grace blushes a little in the evening light and rolls her eyes. She leaves without answering the question and Steve knows Danny will bring it up again soon. Boy or girl, doesn’t matter, Danny’s a protective asshole no matter what.

As soon as she’s out of sight, Danny collapses back in his seat, rubbing a hand over his face.

Steve loses his fight with his memories and starts to tremble. Despite everything, Danny notices right away.

“You alright, babe?” Danny asks, eyebrow arched.

Steve chokes a laugh. “Do you know what happened when my parents found out I was bi?”

Danny sits up, gives him his full attention. Steve shivers under his gaze. “No. No, I don’t. Would you tell me?”

“My mom caught me kissing Holokai, who lived three streets over. We’d been seeing each other just a couple weeks.” Steve rubs sweaty hands over his pants. Briefly, he wonders where Holokai is now. “She didn’t say anything. Pulled me into the house by my ear. Waited til my dad got home. He never beat me so hard as then. Broke skin.” Steve doesn’t dare look at Danny’s face, even when he hears the choked off noise of rage. “Doris still didn’t say anything. Didn’t even look at me.

“Two days later she was dead and by the next week I was off to ANA. Can’t help thinking that’s why…”

Suddenly Danny is tugging him into a strong hug, arms sure and solid around him. Steve chokes back a sudden wave of tears.

“Fuck, Steve,” Danny swears, soft and furious in Steve’s ear. “God I could kill them for what they did to you.”

For once Steve doesn’t shake his head. He doesn’t try to tell Danny they were teaching him anything.  He knows they weren’t.

Danny pulls back and presses a kiss to Steve’s lips. Danny’s crying, not even trying to hide it, and Steve can’t even process it, can’t process that grief and sorrow and anger all in defense of him. “It’s a wonder to me that anyone could not love you,” Danny says, tone hard despite the softness of the words. “You’re amazing, babe.”

“I wasn’t,” Steve says, shaking his head. “Before ANA and the Navy...I was a mess. I broke shit and lost things, could barely pass a class to save my life. I was always in trouble at school for something.”

“You still break shit and lose things,” Danny says and Steve twitches unhappily, thinking about just last week when he’d broken that bowl that used to belong to Danny’s bubbe. He hunches his shoulders, mentally preparing for...something. “Aw, babe,” Danny says softly, cupping his cheek. “It’s not a problem. I just mean… people aren’t perfect and yeah your attention can be a little all over the place sometimes, but none of that means you deserve to be hit. I wasn’t a perfect kid either, got into plenty of fights at school, lied to my parents about plenty of parties, but they never hit me. And they never ignored me. That’s not what parents do.”

“I know,” Steve says roughly, because he does. Danny’s taught him that over the years, without them even talking about it.

“And when I came out…” Danny trails off, wiping a tear Steve hadn’t even noticed falling from Steve’s rough cheek. “Well it wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t a good time to be even a little bit queer,” Danny says, frank and honest. Steve always wonders at this, Danny’s clarity with his own identity, his ability to use words like _queer_ and call just about anyone _babe._ Danny’s sheer confidence in himself has always been one of the most attractive things about him. “So, yeah, my parents were worried. My dad was far from happy. But nobody hit me.”

“It wasn’t — when I said. I just mean, Dad used a belt was all. It wasn’t — I wasn’t _abused_ or anything.” The words sound weak even to Steve.

Danny meets his eyes. “Yes, you were. And I love you for surviving that to be the man you are today. You’re amazing and I love you. That’s what matters here.”

Steve nods into Danny’s palm, lets his eyes close. He lets himself feel to rough callous of Danny’s hands, smell the sweat and cologne scent of him, softened by the ocean breeze. He lets himself drift close to the solid warmth of Danny’s strong body.

“We’re okay,” Danny murmurs.

Steve nods. “We’re okay,” he kisses into Danny’s lips.

+1

_Age 15_

“Uncle Steve?” comes Grace’s voice as she peeks into his office. Charlie’s in the hospital again, getting ready for his transplant, and Danny and Rachel are both with him. Step-Stan’s on another business trip — _the insensitive asshole,_ Steve thinks — leaving no one to stay with Grace. They’d all agreed she could stay with him for the weekend, even though Danny wouldn’t be around much.

“Hey Gracie, what’s up?” Steve asks, setting down and closing the file he’d been going over.

She steps fully into the room, fidgeting and not meeting his eyes. Steve’s heart rate spikes, mind going the worst possible places.

“Can I ask you some questions?”

Steve frowns, a little confused. “Of course. Come sit. What did you want to ask me?”

“It’s just — well. I can’t ask Danno. He’d freak out. And I still haven’t come out to Mom, so it wouldn’t be helpful and —”

Steve reaches out and puts a hand on her’s, catching her eyes. He smiles kindly, trying to set her at ease. He rarely, if ever, has seen Grace this nervous. He doesn’t like it. He especially doesn’t like that she’s so nervous with him.

“Whatever it is, you can ask me. I promise I won’t freak out like Danno.” He winks and she giggles.

She goes serious and nervous again a moment later, but Steve still thinks it’s a win.

“So we sorta, y’know. Get sex-ed, at school. Except. Not for the lgbtq kids. They just don’t say anything about it at all. I mean they barely say anything about anything but like everyone already knows that they should use condoms only I won’t ever and I don’t know if there are still STIs and stuff I have to worry about if or —. And I don’t know. I mean. I googled a little, but it’s confusing and I don’t always know what’s right or not about sex when there’s just two girls. And it’s not — I don’t wanna have sex right now, but I just. Lucy and I fool around but —.” She stops, flushing bright red. Steve hadn’t known she could go as pink as Danny, but apparently it _is_ a genetic trait.

Though, to be fair, he can tell his own cheeks are a little pink too. He never expected Grace to come to him with this. He’s flattered that she trusts him this much, though he’s in desperately over his head.

But it doesn’t matter, because she asked. She trusts him. She needs him.

Steve never would have dared ask his parents these sorts of questions. He wouldn’t deign to guess what their response would have been, but he knows it wouldn’t have been good. And that’s just considering if he asked about _straight_ sex. If he’d asked about gay sex — well. Wasn’t worth thinking about, probably.

He’d fumbled through it on his own. There hadn’t even been the internet to ask. He picked it up in locker rooms and barracks, didn’t really figure out gay sex until he was well into his 20s. Had a couple scares — one bout of syphilis which had led him down a terrifying _what if it had been AIDS_ existential crisis. Fucked up with condoms. Had more than one pregnancy scare.

He doesn’t want any of that for Grace. He wants her to go in feeling confident, knowing how to keep herself safe.

Briefly, Steve thinks about Danny. He gets why she didn’t go to him with this. Danny’s vehemently opposed to the idea of Grace ever being sexually active, is viciously protective, and is decidedly of the old guard when it comes to keeping kids, kids by not telling them about grown up things. Steve doesn’t always agree.

But the truth of the matter is that Danny is Grace’s parent. Steve doesn’t totally have the right to go against his wishes like this. But he has to do right by Grace — that’s always the most important thing. And yeah, it makes him a little nervous, thinking about how Danny might react, but tough luck. He’s gonna decide based on what’s best for Grace, not what’s easiest for him.

Danny taught him that.

“I’ll be honest, Gracie, I don’t know a lot about lesbian intimacy, but I’ll tell you what. I’ll do some research, get some materials together for you. We’ll go over them together, how does that sound?”

She blushes and doesn’t look at him but nods. “Thanks, Uncle Steve.”

“Don’t mention it, honey. I’m here for you.”

She smiles up at him. “I know.”

*

“What the hell is this?” Danny bursts into the living room, waving a lidded basket and a book above his head and hollering.

Steve looks up from where he’s struggling through Grace’s English homework with her. Out of the corner of his eye he notices Grace going very pale, book dropping out of her hands onto the table with a thud. Steve glances between them quickly, feeling the muscles in his back go rigid.

“Where the hell did you get this shit? You better not be using any of this Grace Williams.”

Steve doesn’t think he’s ever heard Danny use both of Grace’s names like that. Steve doesn’t think he’s ever seen Danny this pissed, either, except maybe when Grace had lied to him about that party a couple years back. A very small, very old part of Steve’s brain shrinks down, gets small. But it’s been a long time, and he’s on the other side of things now. Grace is as good as his kid, he’s the parent here — he and Danny together. No matter how pissed Danny is, no one is going to get hurt. Everyone is safe.

Danny thunks the basket and book down on the kitchen table. Steve immediately recognizes the book and his stomach sinks a little. Simultaneously, the basket lid flies off, revealing the contents — mostly dental dams and a couple small bottles of lube, though a couple condoms because Steve wanted to make sure Grace had access if she ever needed them.

Steve sets down his pencil.

“Grace, why don’t you take this stuff up to your room,” Steve says, gesturing to her school things, and keeping his voice calm and even. “I’ll talk to your Dad about all this.”

Danny whips around to look at him now, face furious. But Steve and he have been together almost 8 years now and Steve can see the barely concealed panic in his eyes.

“Okay,” Grace says softly. She picks up her laptop, book, and notebook without meeting Danny’s eyes and that, out of everything, that makes Steve _angry._ Because if she doesn’t feel safe, if Danny is making her anxious — that is unacceptable, in Steve’s book. So he turns his gaze on Danny too, matching him stare for stare.

They both wait until they hear Grace’s door close to start in again.

“What the _hell,_ Steven, she is 15 years old I need to talk to her —” Danny’s arms swing up, gesticulating aggressively. Steve does his best not to flinch, but can’t stop the slight tightening in his shoulders. Danny doesn’t seem to notice, which tells Steve exactly how worked up Danny is right now.

“Sit down, Danny. You can’t talk to her right now, you’re just going to yell and that’s not going to help anything. You’ve freaked her out enough. Plus, if you’re going to be pissed at anyone, it should be me.” Steve nods his chin towards the things on the kitchen table. “I got her all that.”

Danny goes still. “What,” he says flatly. Steve can’t contain the flinch this time. Danny is well and truly furious now. “What the fuck, Steven, she is my _daughter,_ you can’t just give her shit like this — why would she even need a —“ Danny breaks off. He’s spitting mad and it’s freaking Steve out more than he’d like to admit, but it doesn’t fucking matter. This is for Grace.

“She’s growing up, Danny. She had questions, I tried to give her the answers she needed.” Steve does his best to keep his voice even, showing neither the fear not the anger that is dwelling inside him.

“She’s too young!” Danny shouts. “She’s too fucking young, she shouldn’t be kissing anyone, let alone anything else!”

“I didn’t say she was doing anything with anyone,” Steve responds. “I just said she had questions.”

“Then why did you get her this shit?” Danny grabs a handful of dental dams and condoms and shakes them in Steve’s face. Steve leans away, thrown by the aggressive gesture.

“So she has it if she needs it, Danny. That’s all.”

“You had no fucking right.”

That _hurts._ They’ve been raising Grace together for years now. At least since Danny moved in when she was 12, but before that really. Steve considers her _his_ in all the ways that matter. Charlie too. For Danny to denounce that, just because he’s pissed off —

Steve swallows tightly against the pain of it.

“That’s not fair. She’s my daughter too.”

Danny pauses at that, letting his hands fall momentarily. “You don’t get to tell her it’s alright for her to have sex, Steve. You _don’t._ ”

“No, I don’t. And neither do you. It’s her body and she gets to decide what to do with it.”

Danny grimaces. “She’s underage,” he says, but it comes out weakly.

“Yeah, and when’s the first time you had sex?” Steve challenges, knowing full well that Danny was sixteen. Danny winces.

“She’s not…?” Danny asks softly, trailing off, evidently unable to even say the words. He sinks back into his seat.

Steve’s shaking, he realizes a moment later. Danny’s anger had gotten to him more than he’d like to admit. He tries to shake it off, finish this conversation.

“No, not yet. She and Lucy are still going strong, though, and they’re probably headed there.”

Danny rubs a tired hand over his face.

“She’s a smart girl,” Steve continues carefully, “She’s not going to rush into anything. When she came to me, she had questions about how to stay safe, about what it meant to have sex if there’s no man involved. Things sex-ed at school didn’t give her.”

“Why didn’t she come to me?” Danny asks.

Steve lifts an incredulous eyebrow and gestures down at the mess Danny’s made of the kitchen table.

Danny has the good sense to blush and say, “Yeah, okay.”

They’re quiet for a moment. Steve starts tidying up the items Danny had tossed down, placing them carefully back in the basket and replacing the lid. The book he’d purchased Grace — now dog-eared and with crease marks on the spine, though he’s purchased it new — he places on top.

He doesn’t realize Danny’s reaching out until his hand lands on his shoulder. He startles. Badly. An image of Danny’s fist shaking in his face flashes in front of his eyes.

Danny’s hand immediately retracts. Steve looks up, embarrassed by the complete overreaction.

Danny looks absolutely heartbroken. Steve winces, opens his mouth to start apologizing.

“Aw, pal,” Danny says before he can. “Shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten that worked up — I would _never —_ “ Danny cuts himself off. “I’m so fucking sorry I made you feel like I might hurt you.”

“Just old patterns,” Steve murmurs. He reaches out and grabs Danny’s hand. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me. Or the kids.”

Danny squeezes his hand tightly, still looking guilty as anything “Still, I shouldn’t have done anything to trigger that shit and I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I said you didn’t have a right to talk to Grace about this stuff. I’m really glad she felt like she could come to you.”

“I’m glad she did too. But Danny? It’s not really me you have to apologize to,” he says pointedly.

A pained grimace flashes across Danny’s face, but he nods, standing up. “Yeah. I’ll go talk to her.”

Standing up, Danny gives Steve’s hand one last squeeze, before gathering up Grace’s things and heading for the door. He pauses in the doorway and turns around to look back at Steve.

Steve lifts an eyebrow at him.

“You’re a good parent, babe,” Danny says softly. “And I love you.”

Steve smiles.

*

+1

_Age 6_

Danny comes storming into the office, blows past all of them, and slams the door behind him as he goes into his office. They can all see him angrily pacing and muttering to himself.

Lou and Steve exchange looks. Lou arches a brow and says, “Your problem, man.”

Rolling his eyes, Steve takes himself over to Danny’s office and lets himself in. He knows that Rachel and Danny had a meeting with Charlie’s teacher this morning — he hadn’t gone because they’re mid-case and Rachel sometimes gets a little pissy about Steve being included in that type of thing. He can’t imagine what the teacher could have said to get Danny so pissed off — Charlie’s a fantastic kid.

Steve leans against the door, watching Danny pace, letting him get to it in his own time.

“They said he’s not making progress like he should,” Danny says. “They said he can’t focus or sit still. Of course he can’t fucking sit still, he’s _six._ What do they expect?” Danny sweeps his arms through the air angrily. “They said — they said —”

Steve waits, eyes half lidded, until Danny can manage to say he needs to say. Used to be that seeing Danny this worked up about anything — especially something about the kids — edged under his skin and made him anxious. But Steve knows Danny. He doesn’t worry anymore.

“They think he has ADHD,” Danny says, turning towards him at last. A knot forms in Steve’s stomach. _Oh,_ he thinks. Danny’s face is angry, but his eyes are devastated. “There’s nothing _wrong_ with him. He’s just a six year old boy.”

“Of course there’s nothing wrong with him,” Steve says, straightening and stepping closer to Danny. There _isn’t._ Steve’s learned that the hard way. He takes his hand. “But his teachers work with six year old boys all day long, you have to trust that they know when something’s not quite average.” Danny’s jaw tenses, ready to argue, so Steve adds, with a wry smile, “And let’s be real, I probably have that, and I turned out just fine didn’t I?”

Danny’s eyes go wide, somehow shocked by that. Steve shrugs, a little worried now that the words are out that Danny might think of him differently. “It’s not like they diagnosed kids with that when we were kids,” he says, quiet. “But that therapist we saw told me I might be, so I did some research…”

“And?”

Steve shrugs again, not quite able to meet Danny’s eyes. “It makes sense. The way I was. The way I am.” Steve takes a deep breath. It’s been years, now, and the shame that used to sting so sharply has faded.

  
“What do you mean?” Danny asks quietly. Steve shifts, uncomfortable. But this important. This is about Charlie.

“Just — how hard school was for me. His disorganized I could be. _Can_ be,” Steve corrects and Danny gives him a fond little smile that somehow makes it easier to talk about this shit. It wasn’t long ago that this would have all been impossible — to say these words out loud, to admit that there’s something not quite normal about the way that his brain works.

When the therapist had first suggested it to him — _ADHD_ — there had been a part of him that thought it excused the way his parents were. He was a difficult child, of course they had to…

But there’s no _of course_ about it, Danny’s taught him that. And, Steve realizes, Charlie’s the epitome of that. Charlie has a hard time in school, he’s constantly losing things, his room’s perpetually a mess. He’s almost seven and doesn’t really read yet. He still wets the bed.

But Danny is gentle, and kind, and patient with him, the same way he always is with Grace, despite all of those challenges. Steve never worries that Danny will hurt Charlie, because he learned long ago that Danny doesn’t hurt the people he loves. And there’s nothing, absolutely _nothing_ , about Charlie that would excuse anyone hurting him.

Which means that there’s no excuse for what Steve’s parents did to him. The realization hurts, a little, even as it settles into his bones with a reassuring warmth.

Danny nods slowly. “I just worry about him,” he admits softly. “I want him to be happy and successful. I don’t want things to be more difficult than they are for anyone else, y’know.”

“He will be happy and successful,” Steve says with absolute surety. A little softer, a little more tentatively, he adds, “Things will probably be difficult for him.” Danny bites his lip, gaze falling. “But now that we know we can help. We can make things easier, I know we can.”

“I don’t know how to help him,” Danny whispers, an anxious edge to his voice.

Steve hauls him into a hug, unwilling to hear that. “Of course you know how to help him. Just look at all the ways you’ve helped me.”

Danny shakes his head into Steve’s shoulder. “You did that yourself.”

But he _didn’t_ , is the thing. Yes, he’s learned ways to cope — and that started even before Danny. But until Danny he still felt fucked up. Wrong. Like a bad person for all the things he couldn’t do the way other people do them. He hadn’t felt successful or happy, just like a giant fraud, sure that at some point someone would realize how _stupid_ he was, how completely dysfunctional.

Danny’s the one who changed all that. Looking at him, the doubt and anxiety written all over his face, Steve wishes he could give Danny even an ounce the peace Danny’s given him.

Steve sighs and grips him closer. It’s not easy to say this shit. It’s never easy to say the things that really matter. But he fucking has to — for Danny and for Charlie. “You taught me I deserved to be loved all along,” he whispers, not daring to speak this truth any louder. “And all the rest followed.”

“God, Steve.”

“We’ll just keep loving him,” Steve murmurs, ducking his face and breathing Danny in. “And all the rest will follow.”

_fin._

  
_art by pterawaters_

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr.](https://icoulddthisallday.tumblr.com/)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Fanmix for 'Ike Aku, 'Ike Mai, Kokua Mai; Pela Iho La Kaa Nohona 'Ohana](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18790756) by [pterawaters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pterawaters/pseuds/pterawaters)




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